Just Give Me A Reason
by emagery
Summary: Rizzles SongFic!- Just give me a reason-By Pink feat. Nate Reuss (of Fun.) This takes place right after 2x10 (Remember Me) and follows the couple's turmoil after what happened with Hoyt and Jane's nightmares that follow. Angtsy One shot.


**A/N:So there aren't many Rizzles songfics out there-cuz this ain't Glee, but this song just radiates Rizzles to me for some masochistic reason. **

**I just couldn't stop listening to it and thinking about Jane and Maura. Best to listen while reading-such a great duet!  
**

**To those waiting on an update for Someday Never Comes-its coming...also this has noting to do with that story. **

**First verse is of Maura's POV (flashback in italics)-Second is of Jane's POV (Lyrics in Italics), which I put a line break, Then Jane, Jane and Maura again-hope it's not too confusing  
**

**Disclaimer: Lyrics and song belong to Pink. Maura and Jane belong to Tess Gerritsen, TNT & Janet Tamaro. I own nothing!...Really, nada.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**Right from the start  
You were a thief  
You stole my heart  
And I your willing victim **

_"Really Two dollars for a day old donut and bad coffee. Please, come on. I'll get you after my shift."_

I heard you before I saw. You might not think much of our very first meeting as I mistook you for a hooker and you for me as a high class snob, but my sassy words to you at the end of that conversation took you for a surprise, didn't it? I still clearly remember your face: disbelief and shock at this woman who dared to talk back to you.

I don't know about you, but I couldn't get you out of my head after that. It was not the fairy tale meeting that we would tell our kids of how we met, but I wouldn't change it for anything. As I wouldn't find out until years later, but that was how you already had my heart.

**I let you see the parts of me  
That weren't all that pretty  
And with every touch you fixed them**

_"I did a little bit of research into his background, his childhood."_

_"Maura, what are you talking about?"_

_"Maybe I'm a little bit like him."_

_"You are nothing like him."_

_"I spent a lot of time alone. I was adopted. My father was a professor and my mother comes from a wealthy family…There was a lot of benign neglect…I was just lost." I was pouring out all my insecurities._

_"Come here." You reached for my hand and cradled them ever so gently with your own. You did. Those scarred calloused hands that you don't let anyone near, let alone touch. We weren't even together then. You didn't even have to say anything. I felt everything you were trying to convey just by your touch. But wanted to let me know. Gave me reassurance._

_"You are nothing like that monster, okay? Maybe a little anti-social, a little goofy," you say always managing to make me crack a smile even in the hardest of times. "It's not the same thing." Your eyes. Your eyes tell me everything I need to know. I believe you. I trust you._

_"Man, we're a pair."_

We are. We definitely are. We are a pair foolishly in love.

**Now you've been talking in your sleep oh, oh **

"No. No! Please...Hoyt! Don't you touch her. No…Maura!"

The screaming startles you awake again. This isn't the first time it's happened. You wished it was just the second. Oh no not all, it doesn't stop at the third or fourth…

So you do what you started doing since the second time it's happened. It saddens you that it's become so routine.

I carefully slip my right arm underneath your neck, my hand lightly grazing up and down your skin just below your ear. My other hand is left hugging over stomach. I maneuver my legs so that they are lying on top of yours pressing down just slightly, not too hard-as I learned from the first time around that it gives you the feeling of being pinned down. I whisper softly into your ear, "I'm okay. I'm here Jane. I'm okay. It's just a dream…" over and over until I can see the steady rise and fall of your chest, your breathing coming out in even slow spurts, letting me know you have fallen back into a deep slumber. Hopefully, until morning arises.

**Things you never say to me oh, oh**

It's always the same thing the morning after. I don't know why I bother asking you, but I can't seem to let it go.

"Do you want to talk about?"

"No."

"You need to talk to someone, Jane."

"No, Maura. What I need is for it to never have happened in the first place. For you to not have been there at all."

You flinch at her tone. It's harsh and loud and you can't help but be a little bit afraid. For yourself. For her. So, you drop it.

**Tell me that you've had enough  
Of our love, our love**

You would never tell her this, but sometimes you wish that you were strong enough to leave her. But you know that could never happen. You could never leave her after what happened. You two are tethered to each other for life. You even have the same scars to prove it.

On more than one occasion, you find yourself wondering if she still loves you. If she is not just staying with you because of the guilt.

**Just give me a reason**  
**Just a little bit's enough**

You don't think you can do this any longer. It's too exhausting and you don't think your heart can take much more. You came oh so close to ending it, but then she does something that brings the old Jane back. Your Jane. The Jane before Hoyt ever happened. Like teasing you about your vast knowledge of random facts, leaving cute funny notes around your office and maybe the best of them all; surprising you with a quick kiss in front of everyone even though you know that she hates displaying PDA around the guys.

**Just a second we're not broken just bent  
And we can learn to love again**

Your old Jane doesn't last long though. It never does. You take each day as it comes. You wait anxiously each morning to see if you get the _before_ or _after_ version of Jane.

**It's in the stars  
It's been written in the scars on our hearts**

No matter which Jane you get though. You help her through it. You try to be there for her even on most days she ignores the giant elephant in the room. She carved a piece of herself in your heart and the only way to rid of it was to cut that piece off. That would only ever happen-you decide- if your heart were to stop beating.

**We're not broken just bent  
And we can learn to love again**

You hope things go back to normal. Ha, what is normal? Nothing is normal anymore. You try your best to help her through it, but how can you help someone who doesn't want it. So, you just go along with it. Hoping for the best. Oh, how foolish you are. Things are never the same anymore. **  
**

* * *

_**I'm sorry I don't understand  
Where all of this is coming from  
I thought that we were fine**_

Hoyt's dead. You know this. You killed him. Maura is safe. Maura is relatively unharmed. Everything is fine. You don't understand why Maura keeps pestering you about dreams.

All you care about is that she is okay. She is alive. Why can't she just let it go?

**(Oh we had everything)**

_**Your head is running wild again  
My dear we still have everything'  
And it's all in your mind**_

"I don't get why you're so upset. It's just dreams Maura. It'll go away soon enough."

"It's not just dreams Jane. It's nightmares and it consumes your whole life. You throw yourself into your work. You never come home in time for dinner anymore. You're out drinking every night and don't think I don't know why you are drinking so much."

You feel the anger flaring up within you. What does she know? She doesn't know that the real reason you drink so much, so late is because then when your head hits the pillows, you fall unconscious. You don't have to think about anything.

"Everything is fine Maura. You're alive. I'm alive. Hoyt's dead. That's all that matters. You're just making it out to be more than it really is."

You hear her tell you time and time again that you should talk to someone, but you don't'. You can't. It's not because you are afraid. No, it's because you don't want to relive that horrific moment again. It's bad enough that you have continuous nightmares all the time. You just want it to stop. By ignoring it and denying its existence. By focusing on your job. Catching the bad guys. Catching each and every Hoyt that comes your way. One way or another.

**(Yeah but this is happenin')  
_You've been having' real bad dreams oh oh_**

You turn to face her as you feel her moving restlessly behind you. You swallow the lump in your throat as your heart clenches in pain as you watch her peaceful face instantly turn into a frown. You know it's bad dreams. Dreams of losing you to the darkness. You know because she tells you. Unlike yourself, she talks to you. Her fears. Her insecurities. Her nightmares. She lets you in. As you watch her sleep, you aren't able to do anything but speak to her softly while she's unconscious. This is where you let your heart out.

"On the rare nights that I'm not having bad dreams, you somehow seem to take them into your own hands. Made my nightmare yours. That's not what I want. I want them gone. But it doesn't work. It never will. That memory will forever be branded into my brain. The guilt consumes my heart. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." You silently cry into the night as you scoot closer and cradle her against yourself.

_**You used to lie so close to me oh oh**_

You can feel her slipping away from you. It's small enough that she doesn't think you would notice. But you do. You notice everything. That small amount of space she leaves between you when you both are crawling into bed is growing larger each night. Even though she is mere inches away from you, it feels like an ocean between us.

"Why are you so far away?"

She turns to look at you, surprise coloring her face at the fact that you noticed. At the fact that you cared enough to mention it. But then her surprise turns to a frown. Then anger.

"Why are you?" she spits back at you.

You let out a heavy sigh. It was just a question, though you shouldn't have been surprised at her retort. After all, you are the one that is moving away mentally, emotionally. But you can't deal with this. All you really wanted was to curl into her. Hug her. Kiss her. Touch her. You don't want to fight. You're too tired. So you get up and put on your robe. You can feel her eyes boring into your back as you walk out of your own bedroom. The angry silent steam radiating off her small body in waves, crashing into you, but you don't go back. Not tonight because you don't know how to fix it.

_**There's nothing more than empty sheets  
Between our love, our love  
Oh our love, our love**_

So you ignore it.

_**Just give me a reason  
Just a little bit's enough**_

Throughout the day, you find yourself having to check in with her constantly. You try to keep it subtle, by sending Frost or Korsak to the morgue. Calling or texting her once an hour for updates on lab results even if not for your case. She knows. Even if she doesn't say anything, you can tell that she is not happy about it. You know you are being over protective and borderline paranoid, but you need to know that she is okay and if she gets a little angry then so be it. As long as she is alive, that's all that matters.

_**Just a second we're not broken just bent  
And we can learn to love again**_

You want things to go back to the way they were before Hoyt. It's all you can think about. You sometimes feel a glimmer of hope maybe you are making some progress, that maybe you are finally willing to talk about it. With her. With a therapist. With anyone.

_**I'll never stop  
You're still written in the scars on my heart**_

But that soon fades as quick as it comes when you see a scalpel, or someone similar to Hoyt or worst yet, the scar that will forever brand her neck. An ugly reminder of what could have been if you couldn't get to her soon enough.

_**You're not broken just bent  
And we can learn to love again**_

* * *

**Oh tear ducts and rust**  
_**I'll fix it for us**_  
**We're collecting dust**  
**But our love's enough**  
_**You're holding it in**_

_**You're pouring a drink **_

"Where are you going?" She follows you as you reach down and grab your jacket that's splayed haphazardly over the couch. The keys lying atop the coffee table.

"Out." You say over your shoulder as you walk out. Once again.

You hear her saying your name, pleading for you to stay, but you keep walking as the door is slammed shut behind you.

**No nothing is as bad as it seems**

_**We'll come clean**_

Later that night when you stumble into your house. The first thing that catches your eyes is a suitcase leaning against the couch. You instantly freeze as your heart leaps into your throat. You run into your bedroom expecting to see an empty bed and a bare closet, but you are surprised to see none of that. She is sleeping peacefully curling into your side of the bed. The closet still full of her expensive clothes. You swallow the lump in your throat as a breath of relief escapes your lungs. Once you crawl into bed, you reach for her hand and a full blown smile-one that you know hasn't surfaced in a while- slowly forms on your lips, when you feel her squeeze back.

**Just give me a reason**  
**Just a little bit's enough**  
**Just a second we're not broken just bent**  
**And we can learn to love again**  
**It's in the stars**  
**It's been written in the scars on our hearts**  
**That we're not broken just bent**  
**And we can learn to love again**  
**Oh, we can learn to love again**  
**Oh, we can learn to love again**  
**Oh oh, that we're not broken just bent**  
**And we can learn to love again**

You are both silent as you make your way up to the 12th floor. Her nervousness is evident in the way she keeps rubbing on her hands. A few minutes later when the receptionist says "Detective Rizzoli, Dr. Thomas is ready for you," you see her nodding, her nerves still fully on display. You grab her by the shoulders and gives her a tight hug, whispering that you will be here when she gets out. Once you see her disappear behind the wooden door, you sit back down and pull the latest copy of Psychology Today out of your purse. And then you wait. That's all you can do.


End file.
